Today's your big day .. and i dont even know how i should be feeling.
As cliche as it sounds, but yes, cant imagine this is happening to me.
"The man i love is marrying someone today, but the bride isnt me"
As you might have all already know, im such an emo freak and i am no longer bothered to update this space because everything that's happening around me sucks and i dont wanna remember those sucky moment so i rather not blog. I hope God stop torturing me this way and make my life more fulfilling and happier so i can fill you in with all the fancy moments i have day to day.
So till then .............
You asked me 4 times yesterday and twice today why it seems like i dont wanna talk to you anymore.. I lied that its not true, but it is true.
I realised the mistake im making, the same mistake i made, a grave mistake. And i dont wanna continue, or worst, sink into it and make it a mistake that might be irreversible in time to come.
I dont wanna be caught in that kinda situation again, cos it really hurts. Its so painful i bet you can never imagine how bad it could be.
Its not easy for me to pretend i dont care or dont wanna talk to you like how i used to, because it somehow amazingly became a routine, but yet i dont wanna end up with the same outcome of my foolishness. I dare not try..
im sorry i lied- twice.
My msn nick, was meant for you.
I really dont like how im feeling right now. Its that kinda feeling which i felt every weekend one year ago where i just wait and wait for something to happen. I dont like it.. i really hate it because its making me recall every single detail of the break up and crazy days. I wanna forget all about it, all about the unhappy moments i had and i dont ever wanna go through it again. Somehow someway im feeling it right now and i dont know why! Dont tell me, i have fallen for you cos it cant be.. i wouldnt let it happen ...
Im home the entire weekend, only to realise you'll never be around to talk to me like how you used to ..
Welcome home my friends from downunder .. i want my tim tams!
Apologies accepted - lets call it an end.
I felt the pains when i saw that text coming in from you. It felt exactly the same as my previous one and i didnt like that feeling one bit. You probably didnt do it on purpose, but i dont wanna be remembered of the past which ive been trying so hard to forget.
Dont wanna be in the same situation once more, im gonna walk away and keep my distance.
I may have been trying to avoid all these while, may have been trying to deny. I dont know if it was because of that sms which made me realised i was in denial or was it only because it was something so familiar.
You have been missed, and ive decided to give it a miss.
Touch up my eyelashes, had a hair cut and went to JB for dinner. Finally my Saturday is not THAT routine!
Chatting with a friend i thought i lost now on MSN, makes me smile smile smile =)))
And i find myself smiling to myself pretty often recently, especially when i got home seeing offline messages on my MSN. hehe
Getting a new phone tomorrow! Still cant decide between N97 or Blackberry Bold.
Gonna do soft rebonding and probably a hair dye soon.
Probably get my nails done soon too.
Maybe i should go laser my tattoo away.. been procrastinating for the longest time! 7 years.. omg
Finally managed to talk to him like normal now. Im glad, very glad =)
Waiting for Michelle to come back from Japan cos she's helping me get a Agnes B bag. Speaking of which, i havent bought any expensive stuffs this year except for a pair of Gucci shades and CK heels. Im so proud of myself!!
Rewarding myself with a Agnes B bad should be quite ok right? Though im super tempted to get the Chanel double C classic................
and today i saw the Loewe Amazona i've been thinking of getting (which i got the Napa Mundo instead). Fell in love with it AGAIN. dang
Okays time to sleep!
Will you stay if i asked you to? sweet.
Dont blame me for the things ive done or how things ended up looking, blame yourself for the things you did or did not do that cause the current ugly look.
I knew it will all end up this way so i had tried all my best to refrain this from happening, but you persisted on being this selfish and self-centred so continue to being yourself.
Dont drag me into your second season cos im climbing outta here.
* yours truly.
amber.ruoxuan\\twenty\
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20051987\\single\\operations analyst @ credit suisse\\friendster*
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